New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
