i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
