last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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