After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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