DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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