Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
