Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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