Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
