i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
