There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
