When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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