just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
