yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
