Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
