Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i need some magic done to my vagina
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
