honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Fuck appropriateness.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
