I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
