i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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