I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
