Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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