IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
