It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It was confusing and full of hummus
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
