think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
