Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize