i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
