I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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