So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
