he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
