I smell stomach acid.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
