He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
