mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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