Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
