one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
