you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
