Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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