If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
