You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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