somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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