My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
