i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
