dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
