Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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