matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
