i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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