I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
