i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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