I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
