alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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