Banned from zoo.
Again?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
