I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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