she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
