Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
