And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
